Rumor Control

From your Harpy

This is what you people get for throwing stupid boring parties filled with stupid boring people. Eventually, the stupidest and the most boring wil rise to the top. A number of people in the room said that Simone was Prince. This idea met with such derision and scorn that it was last see at the Pueblo Cafe, drinking bad coffee while hunkered down over the personals section of an unidentifiable porno magazine, waiting for th next bus to Santa Fe. Once that idea was driven out of the room, the one that made an appearance next was that Simone was -claiming- to be Prince. I was about to ask whether or not claiming to be Prince was in reality any different from actually being Prince but at the last moment remembered that political philosophy is like number theory or Everclear in a watermelon. Once you start drinking it, you can't tell when you stop. So I just sat there and looked smug while the proles stumbled drunkenly around their knee-jerk hatred of authority and came to the idiotic, non-sequitur conclusion that someone had to be Prince to stop her.

Since I was the only one dressed like I had an actual job and an actual life, I was appointed Prince by default. However, as you know, being in any position that demands that I take responsibility for the actions of the chumps, losers and vile lunatics that populate this town, makes me break out in an uncomfortable rash and want to scream incoherently and babble in pain. (As opposed to my usual mode of communication with the city, which is to merely speak unintelligibly and babble autonomous insult reflexes.) I quickly appointed Lee (the first person in the room whose name I could remember - they all were pretty much the same, so it didn't matter who I picked) Seneschal, then resigned the Princedom.

I made the suggestion that he appoint Simone as Seneschal, since she had the most experience at the job. I also suggested that he appoint a Person Who Kisses Max's Ass, and further, that he conduct the business of his Princedom in song, preferably a big Broadway show-stopping song. Since this whole plan was congenitally diseased from the moment we started, he readily agreed. He also appointed Ares as the Keeper Of What We Mockingly Call Elysium. Then he realized that all previous Princes had been voted in somehow. Calling for a straw poll, it was unanimous that nobody cared one little bit who was Prince. Interpreting this as a great victory, Devin Lee declared himself El Presidente, and Simone the Under-Presidente. Shandel would be the First Lady, travel to other nations to check on the status of shiny things and to teach dogs to talk. Reg and I would stay in our current positions as Sheriff and Harpy, though Harpies would be called "Banshee"s from now on.

It appears that this government has only two things on its mind. Three things if you count sex. First, it's there to make you laugh at what a plainly idiotic concept a Prince is. The only thing stupider than having a Prince is not having a Prince. Secondly, it's there so that if people come to town stirring up trouble because we don't have a Prince, we can point them to Lee and tell them to sing when they present their troubles to him

Since these facts are worthless, I won't charge you for them. You're welcome.

PS- We still haven't appointed a Person Who Kisses Max's Ass. Applications are being accepted at seven@chronic.lpl.arizona.edu. Get yer Stations while they're hot!

PPS- Many people have asked me who the Brujah Primogen is - until a few nights ago, it was in fact under dispute. However, I have heard unanimously from all the Brujah that HOB is definitely the Brujah Primogen. In fact, he's the Brujah "Biiiiiiiii-yatch Primogen.".

What that means, I don't pretend to know.

Dr. Craydon
brainy little brother

Take me back to the newsletter page

Take me back to the Old Pueblo By Night Page.